Girl Talk Thursday this week is "What are you too chicken-shit to do?" Of course I could go for the big things, like cliff diving. If I can't see FOR SURE that there are no pointy rocks on which I may impale myself, I am NOT JUMPING IN. It took me years to work up the courage to jump off the high-dive in the pool at the YMCA, cliff diving is so not happening.
But more entertaining are the more mundane things I'm afraid of doing. Because I am a big scaredy cat.
1. Drink Guinness. Yes, really. Beer in general makes me nervous, because it so often gives me rockin' hangovers. Ten vodka cranberries? NO PROBLEM. Three beers? I'M GOING TO DIE OMG. But even worse than that, Guinness is DARK and I can't SEE THROUGH it and there could be sharp rocks hiding in there and I wouldn't know. Okay, probably no sharp rocks. But it is filtered through fish bladders, and EW EW EW. And yet ModernMatriarch is going to try and get me to drink an Irish Car Bomb this weekend and how can I say no to her? The woman is learning to box, she could totally kick my ass.
2. Eat mussels, clams, lobster, or anything that comes in its own shell. I'm not afraid of the taste of any of these things, but of not knowing how to properly open and eat them. Can I just smash them with a hammer? I have no idea. I need someone to take me out to a seafood restaurant and teach me how to eat these things so I don't make a fool of myself. Because if tried on my own other diners would point and laugh at me trying to claw my way through the lobster shell. Obviously.
3. Drive someone else's car. I just won't do it. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've even driven my Mom's car after getting my own when I was 17. I don't know how the headlights work and the break might be more or less sensitive and what if I get into an accident and break their car OMG? Oddly I have no problem driving rental cars.
4. Ask someone out on a friend date. How in the world do people make friends as an adult? If I was seven I could just ask someone if they wanted to come over and play. Now there are children and spouses and jobs and I feel terribly awkward trying to ask someone to hang out. It is harder than dating ever was. I would rather go home and sit on the couch. See also: email people I've exchanged blog comments/tweets with.
5. Exercise in public. I have an elliptical in my apartment, a Wii Fit, and exercise videos. I cannot imagine going to a public exercise class of any sort or working out in a gym. Besides the fact that I am not in "good enough" shape to feel confident exercising where other people can see me, there are quirks in my body and how I move that make me super-extra self conscious. I recently figured out/was diagnosed as having femoral outward twisting with the added joy of bone spurs in my right hip, which changes how my hips and legs can bend and how I can and cannot stretch. This is most obvious day-to-day in that my feet point outwards, particularly the right leg, which is the worst. I remember being SO embarrassed about that as a kid that I hated walking in snow because people could see my footprints behind me and KNOW how much my feet pointed out. I remember dragging my backpack behind me on the ground to wipe out my footprints because they embarrassed me so much. While I can talk about that here, in everyday life it seems I'm still not over it.
6. Go to a non-gas station car wash. If the car wash is not 100% automated where I pay and then type in a code and pull in, I WILL NOT GO. There is a huge car wash near my house where actual people take your car through the wash and clean the inside windows and dry it off and such, but I am too afraid to go there. What if I pull in the wrong part of the lot/line? I don't know how it works! WILL NOT GO. See also: my enormous dread every three months when I need to get my oil changed and have to actually interact with Car People.
7. Eat sushi. I know. I KNOW. I've actually eaten sushi several times, but it just stresses me the hell out. And not because it is raw fish. No, I'm stressed out and refuse to eat it because I have a small mouth (shut up, I DO TOO) and the sushi roll pieces are too much for one bite without gagging on it, but they can't really be cut apart to make smaller bites without messing everything up and having it fall to pieces. So I just don't eat it. Avoidance works!
So what strange things are you afraid to try?
