Actual text conversation I had with T yesterday afternoon:
Me: Fuck, I just poked myself in the eye with baby spinach. I think I'm going to die.
Me: "Death By Spinach" is totally going to land me in some lame News Of The Weird book for all time, isn't it? OR WORSE, The Darwin Awards!
T: Only if you lose the eye, you dork.
Me: Pretty sure I can still reproduce with one eye, natch. Unless I die, in which case I can get a Darwin Award.
Me: Unless I become an undead zombie that can reproduce. Can zombies have babies? That one woman in the Dawn of the Dead remake did.
T: I'll ask Holly [anthropology professor friend]. Seems like the kind of thing she'd know. If you reproduce when you have only one eye, would you have a cyclops baby? Because I can't love a baby with only one eye.
Me: You're going to hell. Why are you racist against cyclops babies? It's like I don't even KNOW you anymore.
Me: Are cyclops babies a race, or a species? Can one be "species-ist"? That is hard to pronounce.
T: Maybe a mixed-race cyclops baby would be cute though...
Me: Cyclops and zombie? BTW - I am going to put this on the Internet and the cyclops supporters will be sending you some serious hate-mail. Just FYI.
T: Fuck them. They're too scared to admit they hate cyclops babies, too.
Me: Whatever. If I die and have a one-eyed zombie baby, you'll love it. Because I'm thinking that is not the kind of baby you want to piss off.
What you don't believe me that we actually text like this? Fine, be that way. Proof!
And yes, before you ask, I am highly amused every time she pops up on my phone that she is "T Cell".
And yes, before you ask, I am highly amused every time she pops up on my phone that she is "T Cell".
