Dear Google: Huge Centipede Stab Me In My Sleep With Poison Bite OMG HALP?

So, yesterday I was nearly killed by a centipede.  NO JOKE.

 

With most things in life I am not overly squeemish.  I mean, I am a city girl, make no mistake about that.  But I am capable of baiting a fish hook and bathing in a lake/river and picking up garter snakes without dying.  I cannot, however, deal with centipedes.  They just have too many legs and they move too fast and it is just Not Natural.  In our house they are called "demon hellfire bugs", and I cannot remain calm when I see one and usually end up standing on the furniture and flailing until T or one of the cats takes care of the problem.

 

So yesterday morning I was innocently drying off after my shower when I happened to look up and see a centipede the size of one of our cats on the bathroom ceiling.  This was the clock spider of centipedes.  I did what any rational human would do in the face of such a beast - I grabbed all my stuff and moved out into the bedroom, shutting the bathroom door behind me.  This is why we have two bathrooms; I will never share a bathroom with a demon helfire bug of that size.

 

But I knew I wasn't safe.

 

That centipede was HUGE and could totally open the bathroom door; I was sure of it.  Or at the very least it could have moved down the wall and touched our bath towels, and then I would die of a heart attack, which would really suck.

 

Wife was already gone, so it was just me against the beast.  I grabbed the vacuum from down the hall and slooooowly inched my way back into the bathroom, spotting the monster still on the ceiling.  Before it could attack I turned on the vacuum and sucked him up, thankfully not clogging said vacuum with his gigantic bug-ass.  I knew (from experience) that a vacuumed bug is not necessarily a dead bug, so I stuffed a bunch of toilet paper in the end of the hose, shut the bathroom door, and left it for my wife to deal with.

 

I mean, I totally would have taken it outside and cleaned up the battle properly, but my doctor says I'm supposed to stay off my feet, remember?

Comments

[Belle]

You had to DEAL with it, you can't be expected to clean too! That is asking TOO much.

[Melissa]

The bug is probably laying eggs in the vacuum cleaner RIGHT NOW. EEEEEEEK. You will just have to do the only sane thing and throw the vacuum away.

Although I do award you a medal of bravery for going back in and Taking Care of Business!