So, yesterday I was nearly killed by a centipede. NO JOKE.
With most things in life I am not overly squeemish. I mean, I am a city girl, make no mistake about that. But I am capable of baiting a fish hook and bathing in a lake/river and picking up garter snakes without dying. I cannot, however, deal with centipedes. They just have too many legs and they move too fast and it is just Not Natural. In our house they are called "demon hellfire bugs", and I cannot remain calm when I see one and usually end up standing on the furniture and flailing until T or one of the cats takes care of the problem.
So yesterday morning I was innocently drying off after my shower when I happened to look up and see a centipede the size of one of our cats on the bathroom ceiling. This was the clock spider** of centipedes. I did what any rational human would do in the face of such a beast - I grabbed all my stuff and moved out into the bedroom, shutting the bathroom door behind me. This is why we have two bathrooms; I will never share a bathroom with a demon helfire bug of that size.
But I knew I wasn't safe.
That centipede was HUGE and could totally open the bathroom door; I was sure of it. Or at the very least it could have moved down the wall and touched our bath towels, and then I would die of a heart attack, which would really suck.
Wife was already gone, so it was just me against the beast. I grabbed the vacuum from down the hall and slooooowly inched my way back into the bathroom, spotting the monster still on the ceiling. Before it could attack I turned on the vacuum and sucked him up, thankfully not clogging said vacuum with his gigantic bug-ass. I knew (from experience) that a vacuumed bug is not necessarily a dead bug, so I stuffed a bunch of toilet paper in the end of the hose, shut the bathroom door, and left it for my wife to deal with.
I mean, I totally would have taken it outside and cleaned up the battle properly, but my doctor says I'm supposed to stay off my feet, remember?
** If you fear spiders, DO NOT Google "clock spider". It's a really bad idea.
