Dear Internet,
I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. I’m also sorry I am resorting to writing fake-letters on my blog, but I just ate Cheetos and a chocolate cupcake for breakfast, so it is pretty clear that my decision-making skills are not currently up to par. Also, I sort of feel like I’m going to throw up. That couldn’t possibly have anything to do with my stellar breakfast choices, could it?
I haven’t written lately because my mind is just not producing anything very share-worthy. I don’t know if it is the seasons changing or my recent entry into the last year of my 20s or my medications or upcoming changes in my treatment team set-up, but I am becoming all kinds of mopey and anti-social, to the point that I don’t even want to talk to the computer. And I ALWAYS want to talk to the computer. I love my digital friends and family!
I keep making notes of things I should write about, but then I never do, and that just gets added to the list of Things I Fail At. I haven’t cooked and eaten a proper meal in weeks, I have resorted to pulling socks out of the dryer each morning because folding the whole load and putting it away is just too hard, and I spend pretty much every moment of every day counting down the hours until I can go back to bed. It doesn’t seem to matter if I sleep for eight hours or for four hours; I am still exhausted and yawning every thirty seconds for the majority of my waking hours.
And yet there are bright spots! I had a two hour dinner last night with my friend Monica, who is all kinds of fun to hang out with and talk to. Last Thursday was the Best Birthday Ever, complete with people singing to me, cards and presents (including both a Wii Fit and Rock Band 2) and dinner with my friend Jennifer wherein I introduced her to the guilty pleasure that is deep-fried Twinkies. I’ve read several good books lately, my most recent favorite being 8 by Amy Fusselman. The weather has been perfect for sleeping, my cats are full of cuddles, my wife is made of awesome and did the grocery shopping for me this weekend, and all in all life is going well. I just need to figure out how to absorb more of the positive and get myself out of this funk. If I can just survive long enough to get to the weekend and 10 hours of sleep, I think I might make it.
With Much Love,
Anne
