This whole student-loan thing is so awesome. I just went online and checked my account and my tuition for the semester was already paid. MAGIC! I didn't have to give them money or anything! It's possible I signed away my first-born somewhere in the paperwork involved, but I can always just have another kid. This loan-magically-pays-tuition thing is like when I got my first credit card. I was buying things at Target all "You mean I can walk out of the store with all this STUFF without giving you actual cash? REALLY? It's like it is FREE or something!" On the plus side the only spending-spree I can manage with my student loans is an excess of education, which is far less damaging than the debt I ran up on that damn credit card buying totally necessary things at Target like candles and books and new sheets and 382 storage shelves for my new STUFF.
In other news, my birthday is rapidly approaching and I am becoming even more of a pain to live with than usual. It isn't that I care at all about getting older, I am just all about the GREED and what is going to happen on my BIG DAY. I don't really care so much about the STUFF (I still have that credit card and access to Target, after all), but I do love Birthday Favors. Not those kind of favors, perv. My parents read this site! Anyway, every 15 minutes I announce to my long-suffering wife something else she could do for my birthday, which is really just a list of shit I don't feel like doing.
"T! Do you know what would be a good present for my birthday? If you took this purse to the dry cleaner for me to get the zipper fixed!"
"T! Do you know what would be a good present for my birthday? If you sorted these boxes of pictures and scanned them into the computer!"
"T! Do you know what would be a good present for my birthday? If you dusted the blinds!"
Clearly what I really want for my birthday is a personal assistant/slave. Hey T! Do you know what would be a good present for my birthday? ...
